


FIVE SENSES

by trashpup



Series: 911, What's Your Emergency? [11]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: 5 senses, Caring Carlos Reyes, Established Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia, TK Strand Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24819667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashpup/pseuds/trashpup
Summary: “The itchy feeling on the back of my left thigh and inside of my right thigh. I can touch the wall that feels cool against my back instead of hot and sticky and gross. I can pet Buttercu-” TK cut himself off, his eyes instantly welled up with tears again and his hands were balled up in tight fists in his hair. “No. No, no, no!” TK wailed and thrashed, not allowing Carlos to touch him. “Buttercup is hurt! He needs me. Let me go! We have to go get him.”“Buttercup is with your dad tonight. Do you want me to call him and ask for an update on Buttercup?” Carlos had moved to block TK in with his legs, not allowing the smaller man to get up and leave. “I can call him, okay?”“No!” TK shouted a little more aggressively than he meant to, but it got his message across. “He can’t know. He’ll tell them and they’ll take me back and I can’t go back.” His hysteria had simmered down to sniffling and he moved closer to Carlos.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Series: 911, What's Your Emergency? [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1663795
Comments: 2
Kudos: 75





	FIVE SENSES

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry, lol...

**5 Things You Can See**  
“Nothing, I can’t see anything, everything’s dark,” TK was breathing heavily, his heart was pounding in his ears and he couldn’t hear anything that Carlos was trying to say to him. It was too loud. It was all too much. 

TK clamped his hands over his ears, it was better than pulling at his hair, which is what he normally did. Carlos didn’t try to take TK’s hands away from his ears, he just sat in front of TK, his hands outstretched so if TK wanted to, he could hold onto Carlos’ hands. 

“TK, open your eyes, sweetheart. My hands are right in front of you if you want to hold onto them, okay?” Carlos kept his voice at a whisper, not knowing if TK could even hear him. It didn’t matter, Carlos would do it either way. He would do everything he could to help TK. 

“I feel like I’m gonna pass out,” TK said after a moment. He hadn’t moved at all since Carlos last spoke out loud. He hadn’t even lifted his head to tell Carlos that he thought he might pass out. His hands had moved away from his ears, but he still had fingers tangled in the hair on the back of his head. 

“I’ll get you some lemonade or some water, whichever one you want, sweetheart,” Carlos replied, moving one hand to rest on the hand that TK had tangled in his own hair, stopping him from pulling on it or tangling it up. TK made a noise that sounded like ‘lemonade’ but Carlos wasn’t too sure, so when he got up to get TK a drink, he ended up getting both a lemonade and a water, just to be safe. 

Carlos moved quickly, he was in and out of the kitchen in a few seconds, grabbing TK’s reusable water bottle from the fridge along with a bottle of lemonade. He went back to the living room, where TK had initially collapsed on the floor by the front door, having barely made it in before he started sobbing. 

“TK? Baby? Can you open your eyes and tell me what you can see?” Carlos crouched down next to TK so he wasn’t in his direct line of sight, but he could still see him if he moved his head a bit. “Don’t rush it, go as slowly as you need to, baby.” 

“The couch…” TK trailed off for a moment, thinking about his next few words. “The couch where we first hooked up.” It made Carlos smile, but he knew this is how TK’s brain compartmentalised things. “The coffee table that gave you a black eye because you tripped over it trying to get to me and I had to take you to the doctor.” 

“Good boy, there’s two. What else can you see?” Carlos set the two drinks down between his legs, letting TK take as much time as he needed for this. 

“The table where you first cooked me dinner and I freaked out and left because I thought you were gonna hate me,” TK’s voice didn’t waver, but Carlos knew how much those thoughts plagued TK’s mind, and for no reason whatsoever. Carlos could never hate TK. “Th-There’s you, obviously. I could look at you forever.” 

“I could look at you forever, too, baby. Can you tell me one more thing that you see?” Carlos asked, watching TK turn his head back to search the open concept area and find something to zero in on. His eyes locked on something sitting on the edge of the kitchen counter, something that made his pupils go wide. Something that Carlos couldn’t see.

“Bottle of pills,” TK mumbled. “Not safe to have out. I should go put the bottle back in the cabinet.” Carlos stopped him before he could stand up, not wanting him to get up at this exact moment. TK tried to fight him on it and he would’ve won if he was at one hundred percent. Since he wasn’t, Carlos was easily able to keep him down.

“Let’s go ahead and move on, okay? We’ll take care of the cleaning up later, I promise.” 

**Four Things You Can Touch**  
TK became increasingly aware of the clothes covering his body and he wanted them off right then. It was something he had learned not to do in public as a child, but the feeling was all wrong. If it didn’t feel right, it couldn’t stay any longer. Carlos noticed the familiar squirming and allowed TK to shed his shirt, shoes, socks, and pants. 

“We’ll have to go into the bedroom if you want to take your boxers off. You can only get away with this because it’s dark, TK. I think it’ll be better if we finish up out here and then go to bed. Sound good?” Carlos always made sure to give TK a say in what they did, a chance to say no or a chance to suggest his own ideas. “Can you tell me four things you can touch?” 

“The itchy feeling on the back of my left thigh and inside of my right thigh. I can touch the wall that feels cool against my back instead of hot and sticky and gross. I can pet Buttercu-” TK cut himself off, his eyes instantly welled up with tears again and his hands were balled up in tight fists in his hair. “No. No, no, no!” TK wailed and thrashed, not allowing Carlos to touch him. “Buttercup is hurt! He needs me. Let me go! We have to go get him.” 

“Buttercup is with your dad tonight. Do you want me to call him and ask for an update on Buttercup?” Carlos had moved to block TK in with his legs, not allowing the smaller man to get up and leave. “I can call him, okay?”

“No!” TK shouted a little more aggressively than he meant to, but it got his message across. “He can’t know. He’ll tell them and they’ll take me back and I can’t go back.” His hysteria had simmered down to sniffling and he moved closer to Carlos.

“I’m not going to call him, but maybe later we can ask him to send pictures of Buttercup being cute, hm? How does that sound?” Carlos allowed TK to wrap his arms around his torso, nodding his head against his chest in a silent agreement. “Give me one more thing you can touch.”

“You. I can touch your polyester, fitted shirt that you keep meticulously tucked into your pants and you also have one black and silver belt that you wear with it,” as TK talked, he slid his hands from the small of Carlos’ back, to the butt of his jeans, to the belt holding his pants in place. 

“Good boy, can I touch you?” Carlos asked. “I need a verbal response, TK.” He requested when TK simply nodded his head. 

“Yeah, it’s okay,” TK replied, still nodding his head. Then, he snapped back out of Carlos’ grasp. “I never asked if you were okay being touched. Oh no, oh fuck. I’m sorry, Carlos. I’m so sorry.” 

“Ty, it’s alright. I’m not mad, and I would’ve said something to you beforehand, alright?” Carlos rubbed TK’s back and lured him back in slowly, humming along to a song only he could hear. 

**Three Things You Can Hear**  
“Can you give me three things you can hear?” Carlos asked, finishing the song he was humming. TK moved out of Carlos’ grasp and sat back against the wall. He knocked his head against the wall as he tried to focus on the sounds in Carlos’ house. 

Carlos quickly moved his hand between TK’s head and the wall, quieting the noise, but not stopping it. He knew he wouldn’t be able to. TK was always adamant about things, injuring himself included. 

“Three things, Tiger,” Carlos murmured. “What can you hear?” 

TK shook his head, he couldn’t think clearly. He couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t, but how was he supposed to tell that to Carlos. Carlos would tell his dad and his dad would fire him and take him back and Carlos would break up with him and he’d be alone again.

“Shut up! I don’t wanna go back! Shut up!” TK jerked away from Carlos, shakily stood up, and dashed towards the hall, leaving Carlos to try and put together what happened. He debated calling Owen, but figured that this was something TK wanted to tell him on his own, judging by how TK reacted to his idea to call Owen.

Carlos sighed and stood up, making his way down the hall, following the sound of TK talking. He paused outside the bedroom door and listened for a second. 

“Three things. Three things I can hear,” TK muttered trying to calm himself down and focus on what was real. He opened his eyes and found himself alone. He needed Carlos. He couldn’t stop the tears as he started sobbing again. “No, I don-don’t want to be alone! I-I can’t be alone, ple-please.” Carlos quickly opened the door, closing it and making his presence known to TK before he went to sit down. 

“You aren’t alone, I’ve got you,” Carlos whispered, taking hold of TK’s hands to stop him from scratching his wrists. TK made an aborted sound in his throat, his eyes still closed.

“I can hear the AC, the AC that’s too loud at night and whenever we watch movies.”

“Good boy; it is very loud at night,” Carlos praised, agreeing with TK’s words about the volume of the obnoxiously loud air conditioning in his house. “Can you give me two more things that you can hear?”

“I can hear…” TK paused, listening closely to the soft sound of his phone going off in the living room. “I can hear my phone ringing. It’s my dad’s ringtone.” The sound stopped and TK opened his eyes, meeting Carlos’ eyes. 

“I will go get your phone, can you give me one more thing?” Carlos asked, his eyes never leaving TK’s. They were both silent for a moment and then Carlos’ phone’s text tone went off. 

“I can hear your text notification, it’s the same for everyone, so it’s a surprise when you look at it,” TK looked down, happy he got through that, but not happy that Carlos was getting up and leaving him alone again. He slipped off the bed and padded out after Carlos, shivering at the blast of air conditioning against his naked skin. 

TK wrapped his arms around himself to try and contain his warmth. He stood outside the kitchen, waiting for Carlos to turn around and come back to the bedroom. When Carlos just stood in the middle of the kitchen, looking down at his phone, TK got worried. Carlos stood, unmoving, trying to control his breathing. 

Owen knew. TK knew that Owen knew. TK knew that Owen texted Carlos and now Carlos knew. 

Everything came crashing down around TK, the ringing in his ears got louder again, drowning out the sound of the obnoxious air conditioning. The ringing turned into Alex’s voice, telling him he’s always been a freak and no one wants to date a freak. TK’s legs started shaking as he collapsed to the ground. 

TK desperately tried to remember the next thing to focus on, but his mind was racing, he couldn’t focus on just one. His brain was trying to jumble reality again. He got the five things he could see, he got the four things he could touch, he got the three things he could hear. Why couldn’t he think of the next step. 

**Two Things You Can Smell and One Thing You Can Taste**  
“TK? TK, can you hear me?” Carlos’ voice was very distant, TK wanted to yell back and try and grab onto Carlos’ shirt or his pants, or even his hand. He needed the weight of actual reality to tether him to the present. “TK. If you can hear me, give me two things you can smell.” 

TK wanted to scream and cry and hold onto Carlos until he calmed down, but he needed to do this. He needed to be able to taste two things. He opened his mouth to tell Carlos the first thing he could smell, but nothing came out, it was mostly just a soft whine from the back of his throat. He felt half-present in reality. One foot in and one foot out. Everything was blurry so he kept his eyes closed. 

TK lifted one hand to his mouth and stuck one finger inside, immediately pulling it out and showing it to Carlos with tears in his eyes. It was covered in blood. 

“Blood. I can smell and taste blood because I bit my tongue when I collapsed the second time,” TK stated, glancing down at his blood-coated finger. “I can also smell your aftershave. The one I know you only use when I spend the night. I love how it smells and I wish you’d use it more.” 

Carlos smiled, running a hand through TK’s hair, helping him up off the ground and directing him to the bathroom where he could wash his hands and clean out his mouth. TK walked on shaky legs, trying to keep his full weight off of Carlos and failing. 

“It’s okay, lean on me. I’ve got you,” Carlos whispered, careful to not raise his voice. “We’ll clean out your mouth, wash your hands and then we’ll go to bed. You’re probably exhausted.” 

TK made a noise of agreement, he _was_ exhausted. He knew it was probably time to tell Carlos what was going on and what the meltdowns were, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit it to himself. There were too many bad memories associated with it and he’s been trying to get better and control his meltdowns.

Carlos took TK into the bathroom and lifted him onto the counter. He turned the water on and let it run for a few seconds so it could heat up, then he took TK’s finger and put it under the stream of water, rubbing away the blood with a wet washcloth. 

He ran the washcloth under the water to clean the blood off of it and then moved it to TK’s mouth and got the blood staining his chin and lips. Once the outside of his mouth was cleaned up, Carlos handed him a cup that he filled with cold water and told him to rinse out the blood inside his mouth. TK followed the instructions, taking a mouthful of water and swishing it around in his mouth before spitting it into the sink. He repeated the actions until the water came out completely clear and Carlos took the cup away from him. 

Taking a deep breath, TK opened his mouth, “Carlos, can I tell you something?” He didn’t make eye contact with Carlos when he asked, but he knew Carlos was staring at him. 

“Of course, you can tell me anything, baby,” Carlos held TK’s hands, feeling TK’s hands twitch in his. “What’s going on?”

“I have schizoaffective disorder, that’s what causes these types of meltdowns. I get overstimulated and it causes meltdowns. The last time I had one to this degree, my dad hospitalised me, he didn’t know what to do. He left me alone in a hospital, but you stayed and you were able to help me keep touch with reality enough that I was able to keep myself afloat. Thank you,” TK’s voice cracked as he spoke. He sniffled and ran a hand across his nose, looking over at Carlos before diverting his gaze again.

“Of course, TK, you don’t have to thank me. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what,” Carlos responded, tapping TK’s cheek to try and get him to turn his head back. When he did, Carlos pressed a soft kiss to TK’s lips before bringing him in and holding him closely. “I love you, TK, I’m not going to leave you, ever.”


End file.
